See, I'm not really good at finishing things.  I start things, get bored or destracted half way through, move on to something else.  Or I don't get started at all.  But with pastry school, I jumped in feet first and went ahead full force.  And for once, I finished something - I still had my externship to go, but the actual school part of things?  I finished that.  And the only thing that stood in the way of me truly, really finishing this was that piece of paper.  That certificate doesn't just represent me being a pastry chef, it represents me finishing something, setting out to do something and actually completing it. And I am so happy and so freaking proud that I am going to have it.

I used to "review" albums quite a lot, years ago.  I stopped.  I don't know why.  Maybe because a lot of the music that has impressed me recently are bands that you have heard about.  But I have found myself immensely impressed by a band you probably haven't heard of.. yet.

Ours has been around since the 90s, and released their first major album in 2001.  (By the way, that album, Distorted Lullabies, is also definitely worth a listen).  With their new release, Mercy (Dancing for the Death of an Imaginary Enemy), they have left me amazed and I am willing to bet my non-existant savings account that everyone will know who OURS/Jimmy Gnecco  is very soon. 

The mood on Mercy ranges from dark and moody to hopeful, almost joyful at times.  No matter the mood, Gnecco's emotive, evocative voice brings a touch of longing to every track, and sometimes more than just a touch.  "God Only Wants You", with it's Beethoven-esque piano intro, is desperate and sad in the way that only truly amazing songs are desperate and sad.  The music is sweeping, sounding more like the soundtrack to a movie than a track on a rock album, and Gnecco croons with such emotion that you truly believe his heart must be broken.  The next track, "Live Again" picks up the pace a bit, if not the mood.  My first thought upon hearing this track was that it had a very Mars Volta-esque feel to it.  And then Gnecco belts out the lines "Live again" with the same mix of desperation and frustration with which Roger Daltry sang the words "Love, Reign o'er me."
This album will draw some inevitable comparisons - Jimmy Gnecco's vocals alternately remind you of Matt Belamy (Muse), Thom Yorke (Radiohead) and Bono.   And on a track like "Murder," he seems to be channeling Michael Hutchence, not simply with his vocals, but with the mood of the song, which comes across as being neither sorrowful nor hopeful, but rather dark, sexy, and tinged with rock and roll danger.  "Black" brings to mind Black Market Music-era Placbo (could it be the spoken part?)  And "Saint" opens with a guitar sound reminiscent of the Pixies.  But don't let the comparisons fool you - Ours is not a rip off or a copy of anyone.  Ours offers a truly unique listening experience.  The proof?  Listen to "Get Up."  It starts simply enough, but before long you find yourself listening to a song with a distinctly seventies disco feel.  Yes, I said seventies disco.  And yes, I meant it in a complimentary way.  Ours manages to infuse their last track of the album with a disco feel without it coming across as hokey.  Instead, it comes across as genius.  In a music world where genres are constantly being stretched and mixed, it's difficult to find something you haven't really heard much of.  But Ours manages just fine.  And all those earlier comparisons?  Well, they're true.  But only because the Ours has the skill and talent to be compared to such amazing bands and artists, and to mix the influences beautifully.  And it's difficult to find a problem with that.

http://www.myspace.com/oursmusic
Ours.net

I decided to update my Myspace profile today - I filled out that little part where it asks your occupation.  I typed in "Pastry Chef," hit save.  Because I am.  And nothing will change that.  What's all this about?  I may or may not get my certificate from school.  Right now, with Lionel's help, I may.  But it hadn't looked good before.  See, I finished all of my technical, in-school training, but when it came to getting an externship, I didn't get one in time.  When I finally got one, I went in to fill out my paperwork, and the school told me I had to redo all of my loan paperwork to get another loan to finish covering my tuition.  $6000 - that is what they charge for externship.  Yep, you read it right - the school wants to charge me $6000 for me to do something I will be doing anyway (working) all to cover the cost of them... filing some papers for me?  Huh?  Anyway, long story short, due to a bunch of paperwork screw ups and whatnot with the school, I wasn't going to be able to get my certificate.  Although Lionel knows a lot of the office people at the school and is trying to see about alternate ways for me to get back "into" school long enough to simply finish my externship papers and whatnot so I can graduate.  I do hope it works out.  And I am so grateful to Lionel for his help.  He really is like a brother to me, and Amy is like my sister.  I cannot even imagine my life without them - they're those truly special sort of friends that you just know you will be close with for the rest of your life. 

Anyway, back to the school-certification-paperwork-pastry chef thing.   When I first found out I wouldn't be able to get my certificate, I was really upset.  And I happened to be at work when I happened.  But, I went on about my usual business, finished dessert and bread, got everything ready to go for service and went to take my break.  And while I took a break, I realised that a piece of paper does not make me a pastry chef.  What I can do and what I know - that makes me a pastry chef.  My boss came up to me later and said "Mark told me what happened with your school papers.  But you know, I never went to school either.  So it doesn't mean you're not a pastry chef."  And I nodded and I said "You're right."

I know what I can do.  I know that I am really, really good at what I do.  I have the knowledge, and I have the skills, and both my knowledge and skills will only grow with time.  And no one can change that or take that way, not even the lack of a piece of paper.  And where I'm working now - I have direct input on everything we put on the menu (pastry wise, of course).  I use the recipes I want, I do things how I want.  The desserts and breads coming out of our kitchen, it's all me.   That is an experience that no paper (or lack thereof) can replace. 

People are excited to see the desserts I put out.  They seem to really enjoy what I do.  And I enjoy what I do.  I love what I do.  I thrive on it.  I love working every day - getting to craft my dessert and breads, start to finish, executing every step exactly as I want to.  And when I see it, and smell it, and taste it - I know that I really am talented.  I really am good at this.  And whether I end up with that piece of paper or not, whether I walk across some stage or not, I am proud of myself.  And in then end, that is what counts.

David Tennant was on the Friday Night Project again.  And you have to live in the UK to download it on the Channel 4 website :(  And so far I can't find it anywhere online :(  If I knew what sort of sound an anti-squee would be, I'd be making it now.

Tis black and purple.  I love it.  
It's too early to be awake :(  I hate working at 6:30 in the morning.

That is all.

I had a migraine that came on Monday afternoon and lasted until Wednesday evening.   I actually missed work because of it.  I was in so much pain that I could not have functioned at work if I'd tried.  All I could really do was lay, whimpering and miserable.  I had to lay on the couch with the tv on because I could at least try to focus on the television and distract myself from the pain long enough to fall asleep.  If I tried sleeping in the bed, the pain was so intense that, without something to distract me, I couldn't stop thinking about thepain long enough to fall asleep.  I know that sounds strange.  It's difficult to describe, but trust me - I was in a LOT of pain, and it sucked.  But by Thursday morning I felt much better and yesterday I felt really fantastic.  We even made it out for Spencer's going away party last night.  It was a lot of fun, hanging out with all our friends, drinking and laughing.  I drank a bit more than I meant to, so I was a bit tipsy.  We stopped for a bit to eat on our way back from the party, but it didn't really sober me up, so I fell asleep as soon as we got in last night.  I took some fun pictures of everyone stealing Reese's hat.  I remember Julie taking a picture of me wearing Reese's hat and we decided that the picture came out bad so she needed to take another one.  So I said "Right, sorry, I'll try to look less drunk in this one."  Didn't work.  Ah well, good times.  

Today's been rather low-key.  Watched Torchwood from last night, had a bite to eat.  Oooh!!  April 5th, Doctor Who series 4!!   *SQUEE!!!*  I'm so excited.  

I had things I should have done today.  But I didn't do them.  Oh well.  Tomorrow. Or Monday. Or Tuesday.  Or...

With this wedding dress:

http://www.siriinc.com/bg-9492.html

It's pretty and glamorous, but also simple.  And I think with the right accessories, I could make it a little more "rock n roll."  I've also decided (I think) on wearing white Converse All Stars.  I had gone back and forth between that and heels of some sort.  I'd thought of trying to find white patent platforms or wearing red or black platforms or heels for the ceremony, and switching to my Converse for the reception.  Because I love Converse, but I love heels sometimes, too.  In the end though, if I wear the Converse during the ceremony, I'll be short.  And I think I want that.  Mark is 6'1" - and I'm 5'2" (well, 5 foot, 2 and 3/4 inches haha).  He's nearly a foot taller than I am.  When we hug, he can rest his chin on the top of my head.  One time, when we'd been together for maybe 6 months, my mom commented on that while we were hugging one day.  She thought it was cute.  I do, too.  I know it may not make sense to everyone, it seem weird or something, when I say that, for some reason, that makes me feel very secure.  Like I'm tiny (well, vertically at least haha) and Mark just comes along, wraps his arms around me and towers over me.  I feel girly and safe.  That probably does sound a bit weird, yeah?  Eh, whatever.  Point is, I love girly heels, and I don't care about being taller when we go out or whatever.  But on our wedding day, I kind of want that feeling of girliness and safety.  And cuteness ;p 

Yeah, so.  There's that.  Oh, I've wanted to wedding colours to be black and red and the bridesmaids to wear black dresses of their choosing.  I'm thinking of maybe telling them to wear black or red dresses of their choosing.  I've even thought about telling them to wear black, red, or pink dresses of their choosing.  Just because I saw a bright pink bridesmaids dress online and thought it looked really cool.  Hmmm, we'll see.  

I know I haven't talked much about the wedding before, but it's happening this year, so expect some more posts like this.  If mind numbing girlie bridal talk annoys you, well, sorry.  At least it's not going to be super traditional.  Although, not too out there, either.  

Don't worry, I'll still post plenty of bitchy entries, pointless entries, entries wherein I recount the boring details of my day, and entries going on about my absolute geekery :)

I've absolutely no motivationto get up and do anything.  Seriously.  None.